Old archive

I accidentally opened my old archive in my Mac’s ‘all data’ folder, and then I found this. I wrote this piece some months ago when I was mad about something. When I reread it last nite, I thought it is something worth sharing. So enjoy.. :)

june 13, 2008 1.27 am

live without even realizing we're living

has it ever occurred to you that someone or some people can actually live their life without even realizing they're living it? I've seen it all, or at least that's what I think. we think that God has sent our soul to this world by so-called coincidence and thus in living it we don't have any expectation, hope, even control to our selves because we simply don't want to be responsible for what happen. "hey, I never want any life from the first place?" then comes this wishful thinking. follows by care-free responsibilities of real life, like "let it all flow" and there's simply no control because we're simply not smart enough to think, act and anticipate. but what makes me sick even more is that when you totally completely wish (perhaps deep inside of you - you won't say it loudly) that changes come from the outside. that others will make you richer, that others will make you happy, that others will take you to the higher stage of society. like, "hey I like the idea of my daughter marrying a bule in E****e so someday I might get the chance to visit that sophisticated continent in the world. let's just say yes to their marriage. despite the fact I'm a total loser, or never admit I'm a racist but in fact I despise my own people and judge something based on their skin color - anyway, I prefer anything white." that's really sick. especially when it comes from a man. because a man (and usually they do admit it) controls their own destiny, don't you think? well, maybe. I'm totally completely hopeless. maybe life is just a f*****g coincidence, so please, don't even bother to think.

so sick that I just wanna puke.